True Face - Siobhan Curham

The Blurb
We are living in the age of the image - the perfect image. From the constant bombardment of air-brushed photos, to the dubious lifestyle choices promoted by celebrities and the obsession with social media, young women are under pressure as never before to project a persona of perfection. And this is having a catastrophic effect, with girls as young as seven developing eating disorders and female self-loathing reaching epidemic proportions.

True Face shows you how to resist the pressure from the 'perfection police' and take off the masks you wear to proudly reveal your true self to the world. In chapters dealing with body image, bullying, social media, love, sex and more, Siobhan Curham encourages young women and girls to be honest, dream big, and create lives that are happy and fulfilling. Keep Calm and Carry On is replaced by a new mantra: Forget the Fake and Keep it Real. This book is a breath of fresh air. Perfect for ages 13+ - and for the Girls fan in her 20s/30s too!

The Review
I first heard about True Face in the summer of 2015.  I've spent my whole life feeling uncomfortable about my body and how I look, and a lovely blogger friend recommended that this book might be helpful.  Off the back of her recommendation, I asked for this for Christmas from my sister in law.

I have to admit that I was initially a bit sceptical.  I don't read a lot of self-help books, I'm not really in the target market for this teen book and my issues are so deeply ingrained that it was hard to think it might benefit me.  On that count, I've got to hold my hands up and say I was wrong.  It really made me consider what I could do to make myself as happy as I could be, in terms of changing and accepting my body and making time for the things that are important to me.

The strength of this book is Siobhan Curham's honesty.  Through sharing her own experiences she conveys how it is possible to take control and change your own life for the better - sometimes through small adjustments, sometimes through larger ones, but all through learning to accept and then love your true self. 

There are reflective activities throughout the book, such as thinking about the things that made you happy as a child - would those things still make you happy now?  Do you still do them?  If not, why not?  As someone who often says I've not changed much in terms of my hobbies and interests, it was a useful exercise and I've changed my routine to make time for more of what makes me happy. 

I'm never going to be an extrovert and I'm probably always going to be one of life's worriers, but taking time to consider what makes me who I am helped me develop a confidence and self-belief that enabled me to push myself in numerous aspects of my life - my work at pre-school, my writing, and yes, my weight loss. 

Recommended for anyone who needs reminding of their own self worth.

True Face is out now.

Mind Your Head - Juno Dawson

The Blurb

From the critically acclaimed author of THIS BOOK IS GAY, James Dawson, now writing as Juno Dawson. We all have a mind, so we all need to take care of our mental health as much as we need to take care of our physical health. And the first step is being able to talk about our mental health. Juno Dawson leads the way with this frank, factual and funny book, with added information and support from clinical psychologist Dr Olivia Hewitt. Covering topics from anxiety and depression to addiction, self-harm and personality disorders, Juno and Olivia talk clearly and supportively about a range of issues facing young people's mental health - whether fleeting or long-term - and how to manage them,with real-life stories from young people around the world. With witty illustrations from Gemma Correll.

The Review

There's a real need for more accessible, age appropriate non-fiction specifically for young adults.  After all, they're going through a lot of the same issues as their not-so-young adult counterparts and the self-help section in bookshops seems to be growing at a ridiculously fast rate.

In Mind Your Head, Juno Dawson talks frankly about mental health issues - including sharing her own experiences - and the result is an entertaining and informative guide to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bullying, peer pressure and many more relevant-to-teen topics. It's almost like chatting with a straight-talking, no nonsense friend, as Juno brings a touch of humour to some sensitive subjects.  There were times where, as someone who suffers with anxiety and body confidence issues,  I personally would have preferred a gentler approach, but I'm aware hyper-sensitivity is part of my own mental health make up.  And of course, many people respond well to a frank message as opposed to the softy-softly pussyfooting I favour.

The illustrations from Gemma Correll add to the non-threatening package of Mind Your Head and I can imagine it'll appeal to the target audience - and anything that encourages taking responsibility for your own wellbeing (and this goes for all age groups) can only be a good thing.

I really hope this flies off the shelves - honestly, every school library should have a copy of this book.

Mind Your Head is out now, published by Hot Key Books.

With thanks to the publisher for providing me with a copy of this book in return for an honest review.

All of the Above - James Dawson HOT KEY BOOKS WEEK

The Blurb

This is a funny and moving love story about friends, first loves and self-discovery by Queen of Teen 2014. When sixteen-year-old Toria Bland arrives at her new school she needs to work out who her friends are in a crazy whirl of worry, exam pressure and anxiety over fitting in. Things start looking up when Toria meets the funny and foul-mouthed Polly, who's the coolest girl that Toria has ever seen. Polly and the rest of the 'alternative' kids take Toria under their wing. And that's when she meets the irresistible Nico Mancini, lead singer of a local band - and it's instalove at first sight! Toria likes Nico, Nico likes Toria, but then there's Polly...love and friendship have a funny way of going round in circles.

The Review

I posted a Waiting on Wednesday for All of the Above a few months ago, so when Hot Key books asked if I'd like a review copy of this book I couldn't have snatched their hand off any faster.  Seriously, this has been one of my most anticipated reads of the year.  I read the sample chapter after YALC (you can read all about that here, including my experience of meeting James Dawson) and that only made me more desperate to get my hands on a copy.  The characters had attitude and sass and personality, and I couldn't wait to find out more about them and their lives.

I read All of the Above in two sittings, and if I could have cancelled everything else in my life to be able to read it in one, I would have.  It was that good.

From the moment new girl Toria arrives in town, she attracts attention.  Which group will she slot into?  The geeks?  The freaks?  The plastic girls?  It's almost luck that she gets 'buddied up' with Daisy and finds herself surrounded by a mismatched group of eclectics - a group who quickly give Toria purpose and help her re-engage with society.  As the novel progresses each friend faces their own challenges, and it's the support and encouragement of the others that pulls them through. 

All of the Above is definitely Toria's story, but I defy anyone who reads it not to fall in love with the whole cast.  I laughed, cried and totally bought into their relationships.  Driven by issues such as sexuality, mental health, eating disorders and self-harm but built primarily around love and friendship, this book had me in reeled in right from the off. You'll recognise people you know in the characters and that only adds to their appeal.  I fell a little bit in love with Polly, she's brash and brazen and acts without thinking of the consequences.  She's exactly how I wanted to be at seventeen, although in reality I was more of a Toria, far too caught up in what other people thought of me to be true to myself.  Although this is a YA book, I'm sure this will also appeal to the adult market.

I loved the seaside setting and could absolutely envisage the arcades, the pier, the crazy golf course.  James Dawson does the most fantastic job of creating characters and scenes that stay with you long after you finish the final chapter - I was left craving more and I don't think it'll be long before I reread this one.

I'm really cautious about giving too much away, because to share the key plot points would be to dilute the impact it'll have when you read All of the Above, and read it you must.  So, how would I describe this book?

a) Funny?
b) Insightful?
c) Engaging?
d) Cram-packed with emotion?
e) Superbly written?

I'd have to add a further option - f) All of the Above.

One of my favourite books of 2015, without a shadow of a doubt.

All of the Above is published by Hot Key Books on September 3rd 2015.

With thanks to the publisher who provided me with a copy of this book in return for my honest, unbiased opinion.

Forever- Judy Blume

The cover I remember from my youth

 

When YA author Keris Stainton mentioned a Judy Blume readalong, I knew I'd be jumping onto that bandwagon.  I've been a fan of Judy's for over twenty five years, and it's been a while since I've reread her books.  I recently pledged to reread it when I was interviewed for Jaffa Reads Too.  You could say it was perfect timing!

Forever is one of those books people talk about.  It's a book about sex for starters, and that always gets tongues wagging.  And a YA book about sex, that was first published in 1975?  That's pretty groundbreaking by anyone's standards.

The plot is simple.  Girl (Katherine) meets boy (Michael).  They fall in love.  They have sex.  They promise each other forever.  Life changes.  Suddenly forever seems a very long time...

I remembered so much of the book as I reread it- Jamie embroidering mushrooms onto jeans, the fondue party, Sharon and Ike smoking weed, Katherine's grandma sending her 'the package'... and of course, Ralph.  It was all so clear in my mind. I could even remember certain phrases word for word.  I don't think I could do that with some of the books I read in the last few weeks, but Forever, which I read over and over as a teen- it's somehow engrained in my mind.

The first time I read it I was thirteen, and an inexperienced thirteen at that.  I hadn't been kissed, let alone anything else, although I did know people in my year at school and the year above who were having sex.  I don't remember being shocked by the content though, even then- especially as Katherine and Michael are seventeen.  There was definitely an element of titillation though, and a wonder as to whether the sex scenes were accurate.  Reading this book as an adult is completely different to reading it as a teenager.

Things that struck me as I reread Forever-



The cover of the copy I now own

-I don't like Michael. I never did as a teen particularly, either.  I always felt he pressured Katherine and guilt tripped her when she didn't want to be intimate.  I still felt like that reading it now, but it made me more cross as an adult than it ever did in my teen years that as her boyfriend he felt he had the right to pressure her in that way.

-The sentences are generally short and simple, and the reading age is a lot younger than the content.  It's accessible, and can be read very quickly.  There's a lot of dialogue, but never much conversation.

-The fringe characters are really interesting, in many ways far more appealing than the protagonists.  They deserve their own books, Sybil and Artie in particular. I'd love to know what happened in their lives.

-It's about so much more than sex.  There's drugs, and teen pregnancy, and bereavement, and mental health issues.  For a book that's 178 pages, that's a lot to cover. 

-Judy Blume is so straightforward and to the point!  She's honest.  She also manages to educate through aspects of her plot (e.g. birth control) without coming across as preachy.

Do I think Forever would appeal to young people today as much as it did ten, twenty, thirty or forty years ago?  Possibly not.  The YA spectrum is so much more diverse now than it ever was then, and when you compare Blume's simplistic writing style to that of some of today's best-sellers such as John Green- it's world's apart. 

But there's still a place for Judy Blume, both on YA bookshelves and in my heart, because she tells stories that leave an impact and stay with you long after closing the book. 

And that will never, ever go out of style.

With thanks to Pan Macmillan, who sent me a new copy of Forever when I was appealing for anyone who may have my original copy to come forward.  If you happen to have the Pan Horizons issue shown above, with 'Kate loves Howard' written in the front, I would love to swap it for a new edition!


***

You're not too late to join in the Judy Blume readathon!  Find out more by visiting Keris Stainton's blog or following the hashtag #readalongralph.  The next book we're reading is Are You There God?  It's me, Margaret.

Judy Blume week is coming to Books with Bunny starting July 20th.

Finding Audrey- Sophie Kinsella

 

The Blurb

 

Audrey can't leave the house. she can't even take off her dark glasses inside the house.

Then her brother's friend Linus stumbles into her life. With his friendly, orange-slice smile and his funny notes, he starts to entice Audrey out again - well, Starbucks is a start.And with Linus at her side, Audrey feels like she can do the things she'd thought were too scary. Suddenly, finding her way back to the real world seems achievable.

Be prepared to laugh, dream and hope with Audrey as she learns that even when you feel like you have lost yourself, love can still find you . . .

The Review

I really wanted to love this book.  Firstly, because it's a YA book about mental health, and the more of those that are out there, the better.  So many young people (and not so young people too) experience anxiety and depression and it's really, really important that protagonists also face these challenges, and overcome them.  The second reason I wanted to love this was because of Sophie Kinsella.  I've been a fan of her writing for many years and thought her fast-paced narrative and distinctive voice would translate well to the YA market.

Audrey is a likeable character.  She's definitely slightly kooky, and not purely because of how her experiences have affected her outlook.  She's part of a crazy family for one thing.  Her Mum lives her life by how the Daily Mail portrays 'normal' and her elder brother Frank believes he can make a living as a professional gamer on the international circuit. 

It's through Frank's love of gaming that Audrey begins to gain confidence.  Slowly and cautiously, she befriends Linus, one of Frank's 'team'.  He understands her, patiently giving her the time and space to reach out when she feels able.  It's touching to read their story and see how Audrey grows in her ability to communicate, trust and, ultimately, love.

So, the story itself was fine.  And I found myself racing through the book, so it obviously had plenty of the trademark zippy dialogue, off-beat characters and slapstick humour for which Kinsella has made her name in the romcom market.

Unfortunately, I just couldn't get past one rather annoying feature- although Finding Audrey is set in Britain, it really does read as though it's American, particularly in the dialogue.  If it was only in some sections, I might have been able to look beyond it, but there were times where I really had to remind myself that this was UKYA.  Maybe it's deliberately been given an American feel to appeal to the US market, I don't know.   But it didn't sit right with me, and to some extent spoilt my enjoyment of Sophie Kinsella's otherwise successful journey into a new genre.

Overall, I'd probably still recommend this book, especially to teen readers.  However, I can't help but wish it had a strong British identity and a traditionally English voice to match the plot.  I didn't love this one...but I'm sure it'll do well.

Finding Audrey is released on June 4th, published by Doubleday.

With thanks to the publisher for providing me with a copy of this book in return for an honest review.

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How I Lost You- Jenny Blackhurst

The Blurb

They told her she killed her son. She served her time. But what if they lied?

I have no memory of what happened but I was told I killed my son. And you believe what your loved ones, your doctor and the police tell you, don't you?

My name is Emma Cartwright. Three years ago I was Susan Webster, and I murdered my twelve-week-old son Dylan. I was sent to Oakdale Psychiatric Institute for my crime, and four weeks ago I was released early on parole with a new identity, address and a chance to rebuild my tattered life.

This morning, I received an envelope addressed to Susan Webster. Inside it was a photograph of a toddler called Dylan. Now I am questioning everything I believe because if I have no memory of the event, how can I truly believe he's dead?

If there was the smallest chance your son was alive, what would you do to get him back?

The Review

I really don't know where to start with this one, and I'm not sure I can convey exactly how this book made me feel, but I'll give it a go.

The early chapters are upsetting, as we are introduced to Emma, or Susan as she was previously known.  As a reader, I was instantly thrown into doubt about how trustworthy a narrator she was, but I empathised with her plight none-the-less, I think any mother will feel a sharp yank on their heartstrings as she tries to deal with the loss of her son Dylan. 

Without spoiling the plot too much, she is questioning her life after receiving a photograph of a child who may or may not be her son.  How I Lost You is the story of her journey to find out the truth, whatever that might be, and it's a dark and twisted road that leads to the epic climax.

There are times when this book lulls you into a false sense of security, there are some sections which are slow and gentle and then BAM!  out of nowhere comes a blow which leaves your blood running cold. 

I'd gone to bed to read 'just one last chapter' (not a rare occurrence, I admit) when I was about half way through, but I was too scared to go to sleep for fear of nightmares!  The result was I was up until gone 1am when I had to be up at 6am the next day...

Startling, shocking and unashamedly dark, this is a thriller that will leave you with an uncomfortable feeling for weeks, but somehow, despite that, I'm absolutely gagging for more...

How I Lost You is out today, published by Headline.

With thanks to Georgina for sending me a copy of this book in return for an honest review.

The Rosie Effect- Graeme Simsion

The Blurb

The Rosie Effect is the charming and hilarious sequel to Graeme Simsion's bestselling debut novel The Rosie Project.

Until a year ago, forty-one-year-old geneticist Don Tillman had never had a second date. Until he met Rosie, 'the world's most incompatible woman'. Now, living in New York City, they have survived ten months and ten days of marriage.

But though Rosie has taught him the joys of unscheduled sex and spontaneous meal planning, life is still not plain sailing for Don. Not least with the sudden arrival of his best friend Gene, serial philanderer, who takes up residence on their sofa.

Then Rosie drops the mother of all bombshells. And soon Don must face her hormonally induced irrational behaviour as he prepares for the biggest challenge of his previously ordered life - at the same time as dodging deportation, prosecution and professional disgrace.

Is Don Tillman ready to become the man he always dreamed of being? Or will he revert to his old ways and risk losing Rosie forever?

The Review

There are some books in life which are just special.  They manage to reach out and touch people, perhaps even changing opinions along the way.  The Rosie Project did just that (see my review here ).  It is one of my absolutely favourites, a stunning debut which first introduced us to the unlikely pairing of Don and Rosie. 

The Rosie Effect carries on their love story, and like any other married couple out there, there are bumps in the road.  Impending parenthood is difficult for Don to comprehend and the book largely focuses around his efforts to learn the necessary skills to be a father.  He does this in typically Don like ways which causes chaos and leads to a deceptive nine months for both himself and Rosie.

I probably enjoyed this even more than The Rosie Project, in part because I was rooting so much for things to work out well between this unconventional, sometimes extremely irritating couple.  I love Don and Rosie, I really do, but their outlooks on life made me want to bang their heads together and say 'LOVE IS ENOUGH!!!  JUST DO YOUR BEST ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD!' But of course that would never do for either of them, what with Don requiring straightforward explanations and Rosie convinced that her way is the right way.

One of the best things about The Rosie Effect was learning more about Gene, Don's player of a best friend.  His infidelity made me dislike him immensely during the first book (although I thought as a character he was fabulous) but I warmed to him so much more this time around. 

Graeme Simsion is an absolute marvel when it comes to creating warm characters that readers will care about. They are flawed, every single one of them, but they still have charm, beauty, redeeming features. 

I can honestly say I want to read everything Graeme has ever written.  Shopping lists, exam papers- I don't care.  He manages to put a thought provoking spin on everything he writes and as a reader I find that both challenging and engaging. 

I NEED to know what happens next.  And fast. 

No pressure, Mr Simsion, no pressure...

Can I Tell You About Anxiety?- Lucy Willetts and Polly Waite

I have worked with children for the past sixteen years and strongly believe that to empower children you have to talk to them openly and honestly.  However, this isn't always easy, especially when it comes to the 'difficult questions'-those about emotions, illness, bereavement.  Can I Tell you about Anxiety? is part of a series designed to encourage discussion between parents and professionals and young people.

We are introduced to Megan, a ten year old with anxiety issues.  She talks about how anxiety affects her every day life-her ability to socialise, the physical manifestations of panic attacks, how others perceive her anxiety.  This case study approach makes the book more relatable. Can I Tell you about Anxiety? gives plenty of facts about how anxiety is a very real illness, and far more common than many people realise, and that it can impact on confidence, self esteem and education.

I was surprised by how accessible this book was.  I could imagine using it with KS2 or KS3 pupils, and perhaps as a prompt or to dip in and out of with younger children (KS1).  As someone who has first hand experience of anxiety, there were times where I found this difficult to read.  However, it gives information in a sensitive, age appropriate way and I am sure that not only children will benefit from this book- parents, teachers and health care professionals will learn a lot about anxiety and the coping strategies sufferers use in every day situations.

The book closes with a helpful list of website and organisations to support young people with anxiety. 

This would be a useful resource for anyone wanting an introduction to anxiety, also touching on PTSD, OCD and depression.

Can I Tell You about Anxiety? is out now, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

With thanks to the publisher for providing me with a copy of this book in return for an honest review.

Fangirl- Rainbow Rowell RAINBOW ROWELL WEEK

 

There are some books that come into your life and sweep you off your feet.  You know they haven't been written just for you, but it feels like they have.  Fangirl is one of those books for me. I love it like asdfghjkl...or heart eye emoji...or squeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Here's why.

Fangirl is essentially a coming of age story, beginning as twins Cath and Wren leave for University.  Whereas they were once inseparable, the girls are forging their own identities, Wren more easily than Cath.  Cath seeks solace by writing fan fiction-  pages and pages of stories about Simon Snow (he's a bit of a Harry Potter type character).  Online she has an army of followers waiting for fan fiction updates, but in reality Cath is awkward- unsure about her room mate, adrift from her sister, worried about her Dad...and that is without the added issue of her Mum suddenly wanting to make contact after leaving on September 11th.  Yes, the September 11th.     

Admittedly, one of the reasons I love Fangirl so much is the subject matter.  I'm one of those weirdo geeks that writes fan fiction about their favourite band and posts it online, and I read all kinds of strange shit that other people post (like the one where Josh, the drummer and Dan, the guitarist are gay and they adopt baby One Direction.  That was just plain weird).  So although fan fiction and general all round obsession with a programme/band/book series might be difficult for some readers to relate to, I was super duper excited to find there was a book out there about 'us'.  The writers no one notices unless you're one of the big hitters who gets snapped up by a publisher, becomes a cult smash and gets their story made into a film (EL James, I hate you).

Like Rainbow Rowell's other novels, it is hugely character driven.  Cath is instantly likable.  She's quiet and withdrawn.  She seems inexperienced, both in relationships and life in general.  She's full of anxiety, too nervous to venture to the dinner hall for fear of making some kind of social faux pas.  She prefers the world in her head to the real world. All this made her so easy to warm to- I wanted to be her friend, write with her and watch Simon Snow films, hiding away from the big, bad world.

I also fell completely in love with Levi, the guy Cath meets through her roommate Reagan.  He's a bit of a strange one in that he blows hot and cold, but he strongly believes in the importance of family and that is exceptionally attractive.  He's caring, which he shows via meaningful gestures not just hollow words.  And he's clever.  Maybe not in a conventional way, but he is.  And he's hard working, and he has a scent all of his own, and, and, and....  He's not flawless by any stretch, but he's magnetic.  New book boyfriend alert....

I wasn't prepared to devote so many emotional feels (good fangirl word there!) into Cath, or Levi, or Wren, and certainly not her mentally ill Dad, and that was a mistake.  Because by the end I was a blubbering mess, physically wrung out.  Rainbow Rowell taps into the pain that is all around us-insecurity, anxiety, peer pressure, depression- and squeezes every little bit of emotion out of her readers, which is why she is so hugely popular.  People can relate to her characters, and want to believe they'll get a happy ending, or at least some kind of resolution or inner peace.

As Wren says to Cath-

“Happily ever after, or even just together ever after, is not cheesy,” Wren said. “It’s the noblest, like, the most courageous thing two people can shoot for.”

 

 

And I'm going to finish off with a few descriptions of being a fangirl which I think are really apt...

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm a fangirl of Fangirl.  It is as close to perfect as humanly possible.

 

 

Rainbow Rowell, thank you for the words, the feels and the magic.

 

You rock.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mental Health Awareness Week

This isn't entirely a book post.  This is a post about mental health.  It is Mental Health Awareness Week this week, and as someone who has tried to be as open and honest about my own mental health issues I feel my blog is a place I can share my own experiences.  Hopefully they can offer a glimmer of hope that things can and will get better.

So, here's my story.

Looking at photos from my childhood I often look awkward.  I was a shy, sensitive child and would much rather sit at home reading books than do anything else.  I did have friends, but I was shy and preferred the company of my fictional friends. One of my best friends growing up was my cousin Lola, she was like an additional sister to me.  It is only as I look back now, after counselling and therapy, that I think maybe part of my reluctance to make friends was because my Dad had died when I was young.  There weren't as many child bereavement charities back then in the mid 1980s and those there were weren't as widely known-remember this was pre internet!  Now there are lots of fabulous bereavement charities that work with children- Winston's Wish is the one I support. I didn't know anyone else who had lost a parent.  I think it is fair to say that some of my mental health issues stem from this- my neediness, my fear of losing people, my lack of confidence.  It has taken me a long time to get past the anger deep within me at growing up with just one parent.  There are so many things I wish my Dad could have seen- my graduation, my wedding day, meeting his grandson...plus all the minor things too.  He was a book fiend as well, I would love to be able to talk about them with him. 

School was hard for me.  I was a bit of a geek, plus I was different (one parent family, remember- and they weren't common then, in any guise).  I was also overweight.  I was bullied, verbally and emotionally, and my already low confidence became worse.   I also admitted to a few friends that I was attracted to girls as well as boys, and when they treated me like I was a freak my sense of self was utterly lost.  I didn't mention that I would identify as bi-sexual again until I was in my 30s.  When I was in Year 10 I moved schools.  It had reached the point where I wasn't eating properly (I'd eat raisins as snacks and half a tin of tinned spaghetti for tea) and I thought I was huge.  Looking at photos now I know I wasn't at all, but at the time I felt like a blimp and the comments people made only served to reinforce that.  I was happier at my new school, but still ate erratically.  With hindsight I can see that I had issues with food, probably related to my mental health and because I felt I couldn't be honest about who I was.

I left for University when I was 18 and had my first round of therapy.  I struggled terribly being away from my Mum and used to ring her in tears from the phone on the corridor in my halls of residence, begging to go home.  Somehow I made it through University, and I can tell you now that it wasn't down to the therapy, which was useless.  It was probably down to paracetamol, which I was pretty much addicted to for the three years (I'd take them every day, normally 3-4 times a day) and sleeping tablets which the doctor had prescribed.  I really should have been on antidepressants then too, but again, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Then there were two events which hit me for six.  My Gran died, and I was mugged.  Both of these made me want to be reclusive, and the mugging in particular left me closest to the brink.  I had anxiety attacks, was scared of leaving the house and in particular waiting for buses, I was scared of being in crowds.  When I look back to that time I can still feel the sensation of every nerve ending in my body twitching, almost like pinpricks on my skin.  Urgh, just typing that has made me feel the sensation and it makes me feel sick.  Still I didn't seek help.

It was only after my son was born in 2007 that I finally sought medical help.  He was born neutropaenic, which meant he had less white blood cells than he needed, leaving him open to infection.  There were concerns as it could be linked to leukaemia.  He had blood test after blood test, ending in genetic testing and a bone marrow aspirate when he was eight months old.  I was given fluoxetine to take and life became more manageable.  Not perfect, but more manageable.

Since then I have been on and off antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs (I currently take 100mg a day of Sertraline).  I have had some amazing counselling.  I made a promise to myself that I would be more open and honest about my mental health, and that regardless of what others think I will always be true to myself.  'Learn to love yourself' has become my mantra.  Some days it is really hard to do that, but I try.  I am also fortunate to have a strong faith, without which I really wonder whether I would have survived.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that there is help out there.  Sometimes it is hard to admit you need it, but IT ISN'T A WEAKNESS.  If you had a broken arm, you would go to a doctor.  There are people there to give you advice, to counsel you, to medicate you (if that is what you want).  There are online forums, and if you can be brave enough to tell people what you are going through you'll realise there are lots of other people going through similar things. 

It is time to talk.  You can visit http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/ .  Never feel alone xx

These songs are two of the songs that helped me during my lowest points.

 

The Good Luck of Right Now- Matthew Quick

I am possibly the only person in the world who has neither read the book nor seen the film of The Silver Linings Playbook.  I have heard good things about both (and Bradley Cooper-mmmmmm), but have been drowning under review books for so long that I haven't had a lot of time for reading books on my own shelf.

When I saw that Matthew Quick had a new book out I was keen to read it, and The Good Luck of Right Now sounded unlike anything I have read before.  Here's the blurb, which is what drew me to it in the first place...

Call it fate. Call it synchronicity. Call it an act of God. Call it . . . The Good Luck of Right Now. From the New York Times bestselling author of The Silver Linings Playbook comes an entertaining and inspiring tale that will leave you pondering the rhythms of the universe and marveling at the power of kindness and love.

For thirty-eight years, Bartholomew Neil has lived with his mother. When she gets sick and dies, he has no idea how to be on his own. His redheaded grief counselor, Wendy, says he needs to find his flock and leave the nest. But how does a man whose whole life has been grounded in his mom, Saturday mass, and the library learn how to fly?

Bartholomew thinks he’s found a clue when he discovers a “Free Tibet” letter from Richard Gere hidden in his mother’s underwear drawer. In her final days, mom called him Richard—there must be a cosmic connection. Believing that the actor is meant to help him, Bartholomew awkwardly starts his new life, writing Richard Gere a series of highly intimate letters. Jung and the Dalai Lama, philosophy and faith, alien abduction and cat telepathy, the Catholic Church and the mystery of women are all explored in his soul-baring epistles. But mostly the letters reveal one man’s heartbreakingly earnest attempt to assemble a family of his own.

A struggling priest, a “Girlbrarian,” her feline-loving, foul-mouthed brother, and the spirit of Richard Gere join the quest to help Bartholomew. In a rented Ford Focus, they travel to Canada to see the cat Parliament and find his biological father . . . and discover so much more.

I mean- how can anyone fail to be intrigued by that?! 

The Good Luck of Right Now is unlike any other book I have read.  Something about Bartholomew's vulnerability left me with a sense of disquiet, and whilst I was turning the pages I had an uncomfortable, heavy feeling inside me.  His letters to Richard Gere bared his soul, giving me an insight into every thought and feeling he experienced.  It is hard to compare it to any other book as it really is one on its own, but it did remind me of how I felt reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. 

It wasn't an easy book to read-infact I almost found it emotionally exhausting and I did have to put it down a few times to have a 'rest' from it.  This is a testament to how well it is written- it evoked such a strong feeling in me.  To say I enjoyed it would be wrong.  However, I was compelled to keep reading and I cared enough about Bartholomew (and other characters in the book, particularly Max and Elizabeth) to invest the energy into reading this book.

I hope this doesn't come across as a negative review, because it really isn't.  The Good Luck of Right Now is a great example of a book where the reader can get completely into the mind of the protagonist-I just found it difficult being inside the mind of someone as misunderstood as Bartholomew Neil.  However, it is also a book filled with hope, Bartholomew's naivety and literal outlook bringing a charm and simplicity into what could otherwise be out and out depressing.

This is one of the hardest reviews I have had to write, because I am sure my opinion of this book will change as I digest it.  It is extraordinary.

The Good Luck of Right Now is out now.

7.5/10

With thanks to the publisher for providing me with a review copy of this book.

Unsaid Things: Our Story - McFly

 

You lot have realised I am a bit of a fangirl by now, right?  Well, I am particularly nuts about One Direction, Take That and McFly, and in preparation for the McBusted appearance on The Jonathan Ross Show on Saturday night I read Unsaid Things.  It's been on my shelf for a while, but I had so many review copies to get through that it's been sat there, but I decided enough was enough-the fangirl in me won out over the reviewer in me and I read it in less than 24 hours.

 

It's fair to say that McFly/McBusted fans will get the most enjoyment out of this book, but anyone who has an interest in music and/or 'celebrity' (urgh) will learn a lot from this book.  The level of honesty from the boys is what makes this stand out from other biographies out there.  Between them they've been through mental health issues, addiction, and a LOT of women (Danny Jones, I'm particularly looking at you as I type this last bit).  They've also had a ridiculous amount of hits all over the world and have survived ten years at the top of their field.  They write songs for other artists.  They produce music.  They've done (and won) reality TV shows.  Tom is a youtube sensation.  They've even been played in space for crying out loud.

The boys take it in turns to tell the McFly story throughout Unsaid Things which makes for a pacey read and I defy anyone not to laugh as they read it.  Fans have always known they were exceptionally funny and this book just proves it.  Honestly, for a band that is made up of four very different guys (I want to say boys, but they are men now...so I'll stick with guys as a happy medium) they are all hugely entertaining-different enough to have their own identities but similar enough to share the same daft humour and wordplay. 

I was close to tears at numerous points whilst reading.  Each member has gone through their own difficult times and the pride that I get as a fan seeing how genuinely happy they appear to be at the moment is immense.  On a personal level I was especially touched by Tom's descriptions of depression.  This is something I have gone through, and will probably always be going through, myself and his descriptions of the feelings he experienced really resonated.  The 'alien at the window' is something I can understand- my own depression and anxiety is worse at night- and the fear of bed because of the emotions you know are going to haunt you is something I can empathise with completely.

Reading Unsaid Things has made me even more excited for the McBusted tour and I cannot wait to be at the Sheffield gig on 19th May jumping around like a loon. 

And Danny, for what it's worth I can forgive you your playboy antics.  Even though I wish I had been part of them ;)

9/10

Unsaid Things is out now, published by Bantam Press.

The Name on Your Wrist- Helen Hiorns

I wasn't sure what to expect from this one.  It sounded part romance, part dystopia, part fantasy, part futuristic sci fi...almost as if it was a book with a split personality which didn't know which genre it wanted to be. 

However, I was totally wrong to try and judge it.  The Name on Your Wrist is one of the most truly original books I have ever read.  Set in the future, where life is lived within a strict set of rules, the major development within the human race is that everybody has a name permanently inscribed on their wrist.  It is hidden beneath a wrist guard and must remain a secret.  The name on your wrist (carpinomen) is that of your soul mate, the person you must search for in order to find love and happiness.

Corin doesn't want to be found.  She is cynical about love, about life, about society.  She's an angry teenager and hates the restrictions she is bound by.  Can she find a way to live happily within the expectations of her family and community?

Honestly, I was blown away by this book.  Marketed for the YA audience, there is definitely enough meat to it to appeal to a wider market and I really hope adults will read this book too as it has so much to offer.  There aren't enough books out there which are 100% original, but The Name on Your Wrist most certainly is.  It is also written in a way which draws the reader in, I honestly struggled to put it down as once I started it I could think of little else!  The only downfall for me was that the ending seemed a bit rushed, although there is the possibility of a follow up, which may (or may not) have been in Helen Hiorns' mind.

I just wish the YA genre had been so vibrant when I was the target audience.  This generation are totally spoilt with excellent reads!

The Name on My Wrist is out now, published by Random House.

9/10

With thanks to the publisher for providing me with a copy of this book in return for my honest opinion.

The Memory Book- Rowan Coleman

I have always been a big fan of Rowan Coleman.  Her writing is exquisite, emotive, tender.  She isn't afraid to tackle difficult subjects.  Her characters are beautifully shaped, her plotlines are fresh, she writes with pace.  It's fair to say I had been quite excited about The Memory Book and it turns out I had good reason to be.

Claire is an ordinary woman.  She has two daughters.  A husband.  A sometimes overbearing mother.  She also has early onset Alzheimers.  Claire compiles a memory book full of memories and mementoes so her family will have something to remember her by.  The Memory Book tells not just Claire's viewpoint, but also that of her family, and it is this which makes it a captivating read.

There were moments when I laughed and (many) moments where I cried, right from the first page to the final crescendo.  Huge, gulping sobs, not just a silent tear which I could quietly dismiss.  I felt like my heart had been trampled on.  My stomach was churning.  I could barely swallow for the lump in my throat.  Rowan Coleman evoked all these emotions and physical responses in me through her wonderful storytelling.  Her characters were so real and true that they felt like friends, and the pain I felt for their situation was real.

It is a poignant, thought provoking and absolutely heartbreaking read, yet also incredibly uplifting.  The Memory Book is a reminder to treasure every moment with those you love.  It is incredible.  Go and read it.

The Memory Book is out now, published by Ebury.

9.5/10

With thanks to the publisher for providing me with a review copy of this book in return for my honest opinion.

Blackout- Emily Barr and Quick Reads launch day

Quick Reads are short books designed for adults who don't have time to read full length novels, or who have a fear of reading long books.  At around 100 pages each, Quick Reads are well developed, stand alone stories by best selling authors.  There are Quick Reads in many different genres so there really is something for everyone!  And at just £1 per book, they are a great way to try something different.

I was absolutely thrilled when Quick Reads sent me Blackout to review. I'd not read anything by Emily Barr since Cuban Heels, and I couldn't wait to try this one.

The blurb said...

You wake up in a strange room, with no idea how you got there.

You are abroad, in a city you have never visited before.

You have no money, no passport, no phone.

And there is no sign of your baby.

What do you do?

Without giving too much away (which is especially hard when reviewing a short book!) this psychological thriller had me gripped.  It had twists and turns and I never knew what to believe.  In some ways I do wish it had been a full length novel, purely because in just over an hour I had finished it.  There was definitely a sense of disappointment that it was over, it was exactly the kind of book I enjoy, full of intrigue and suspense. 

I'd recommend Blackout to anyone, but if you have read and enjoyed books by Paula Daly or enjoyed TV shows such as Broadchurch, this may well be something you'll love.

Find out more about Quick Reads at their website, and watching this beautiful video about books.  It totally encapsulates how I feel about reading.

Blackout is out now.

9/10

With thanks to Quick Reads for sending me a copy of this book to review in return for my honest opinion.

Necessary Lies- Diane Chamberlain

Diane Chamberlain is a prolific bestselling author.  In the UK alone she has sold 750,000 books.  Yet for some reason I have never read any of her other books (so many books, so little time!)  The Midwife's Confession was a runaway success and a favourite with reading groups, and although I have been meaning to prioritise reading it, life has got in the way.  When I was sent a proof copy of Necessary Lies to review I was very excited.  Here was my chance to read some of Diane Chamberlain's work and see what the fuss was about!

Necessary Lies tells the story of Jane, a young newly-wed employed as a social worker in rural North Carolina in the 1960s.  Wet behind the ears but with her heart in the right place, Jane finds it hard to keep a professional distance from the disadvantaged families she works with.  Encouraged by her employers to put forward young women for uninformed sterilisation as part of a eugenics programme, Jane faces a constant battle between her own beliefs and what is expected of her.  Should everyone have the right to have children?  Or are only some people capable of parenting competently?

It took me a while to get into Necessary Lies, but I once I got to grips with the characters and their back stories I was hooked.  Diane Chamberlain has written a thought-provoking and emotive tale based on fact.  It is hard to believe that eugenic sterilisation was still being practiced in North Carolina as recently as 1974.   I was left with a tear in my eye and a heavy heart as I read the final few pages.

Chamberlain has been widely compared to Jodi Picoult, and it is true that both authors write books that debate highly topical issues and are character driven. I found Jane easy to relate to- a young woman struggling to maintain a work/life balance, torn between her duty and her beliefs- and as a protagonist I thought Jane was believable and likeable. 

Well worth a read.

Necessary Lies is out now, published by Pan Macmillan.

8.5/10
With thanks to Pan Macmillan for providing me with a proof copy of Necessary Lies.
Diane Chamberlain's website can be found at http://dianechamberlain.com/ .

One Step Too Far- Tina Seskis

I was drawn to One Step Too Far as I loved the sound of the plot.  Emily, an identical twin, leaves her husband and son, escaping her dysfunctional family by fleeing to London.  As she takes on a new identity as Cat, her life changes beyond all recognition.  Living in a rundown shared house in Finchley Park, Cat meets Angel who is also running from her past. Angel takes Cat under her wing and soon Cat's life spirals out of control.  Trying to escape her past and create a new persona, she finds that you can run, but you can't hide.

I did enjoy One Step Too Far and can see why it is one of the books that people are talking about this summer.  It was unsettling to read, especially as flashbacks throughout provided more information about why Emily and her family may have behaved the way they did.  I found this to be well written and a gripping read that held my interest, and I cared enough about Emily/Cat to want to know the outcome of her story.  One Step Too Far is a psychological thriller that might appeal to fans of other books in this genre such as Gone Girl and Before I Go to Sleep.

8/10
With thanks to Kirk Parolles for providing me with a review copy of One Step Too Far.  You can find out more about Tina Seskis on her website.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower- Stephen Chbosky

I was given The Perks of Being a Wallflower for Christmas by my sister-in-law, Jill.  I'd asked for it specifically, mainly because the stir around the film adaptation had piqued my interest and I always try and read the book before watching the film in these situations.  Although I do try and avoid the film tie-in editions of books wherever possible- in my opinion having famous actors and actresses on the cover takes away the personality of a book.  The edition I have has a cover that is a beautiful representation of what to expect from the book-a scrap of paper from a journalists notepad covered in scrawling, sprawling script.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a coming of age novel.  It is built up through letters addressed to 'Dear friend' and follows Charlie through his freshman year.  I'm not normally a fan of coming of age stories.  I find they often lean towards pretentious.  This was different.  Chbosky has very cleverly written a novel that will appeal to teens and adults by referencing timeless aspects of youth culture that has and will continue to appeal to young people- The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Beatles, The Smiths, Nirvana, On the Road, The Catcher in the Rye...

The charm of the book comes via Charlie, whose insightful observations of the world are endearing and thought provoking.  It reads almost like a free-write, testimony to Chbosky's readable style. 

Charlie's letters explore unrequited love, bereavement, mental health, sexuality, drugs and abortion.  The difficult subject matter is beautifully explored, written with a reflective awareness that will stay with the reader long after the final page.

9/10