How I Lost You- Jenny Blackhurst

The Blurb

They told her she killed her son. She served her time. But what if they lied?

I have no memory of what happened but I was told I killed my son. And you believe what your loved ones, your doctor and the police tell you, don't you?

My name is Emma Cartwright. Three years ago I was Susan Webster, and I murdered my twelve-week-old son Dylan. I was sent to Oakdale Psychiatric Institute for my crime, and four weeks ago I was released early on parole with a new identity, address and a chance to rebuild my tattered life.

This morning, I received an envelope addressed to Susan Webster. Inside it was a photograph of a toddler called Dylan. Now I am questioning everything I believe because if I have no memory of the event, how can I truly believe he's dead?

If there was the smallest chance your son was alive, what would you do to get him back?

The Review

I really don't know where to start with this one, and I'm not sure I can convey exactly how this book made me feel, but I'll give it a go.

The early chapters are upsetting, as we are introduced to Emma, or Susan as she was previously known.  As a reader, I was instantly thrown into doubt about how trustworthy a narrator she was, but I empathised with her plight none-the-less, I think any mother will feel a sharp yank on their heartstrings as she tries to deal with the loss of her son Dylan. 

Without spoiling the plot too much, she is questioning her life after receiving a photograph of a child who may or may not be her son.  How I Lost You is the story of her journey to find out the truth, whatever that might be, and it's a dark and twisted road that leads to the epic climax.

There are times when this book lulls you into a false sense of security, there are some sections which are slow and gentle and then BAM!  out of nowhere comes a blow which leaves your blood running cold. 

I'd gone to bed to read 'just one last chapter' (not a rare occurrence, I admit) when I was about half way through, but I was too scared to go to sleep for fear of nightmares!  The result was I was up until gone 1am when I had to be up at 6am the next day...

Startling, shocking and unashamedly dark, this is a thriller that will leave you with an uncomfortable feeling for weeks, but somehow, despite that, I'm absolutely gagging for more...

How I Lost You is out today, published by Headline.

With thanks to Georgina for sending me a copy of this book in return for an honest review.